There are two types of people in the world. Those who send food back and those who eat it even when it’s an entirely different meal than what was ordered. I fall into the latter category. I order a steak and you bring me fried chicken, I’m going to eat that fried chicken. It’s one of the few situations in which I become incredibly passive.
Why is this? Is it because I worked in kitchens off and on throughout my life and know how embarrassing it can be when you screw up an order? Is it because I’m a fan of both steak AND fried chicken? Or is it just because I don’t want someone to spit in my food due to my ingratitude?
Whatever the reason, it’s just the way it is. I’m a passive restaurant patron. I don’t mind. The stakes (steaks?) are relatively low. No matter what, I get to eat. I’ll consume enough calories to feel satiated. I’ll likely enjoy what I’m given. At the end of the meal, I’ve successfully avoided conflict of any kind, thus ensuring healthy digestion.
It’s an interesting phenomenon among those pursuing recovery from a mental health condition that we often encounter the same level of passivity, but regarding something much much more important.
In our line of service to the community we regularly meet people who have gone a decade or more faithfully receiving the same form of treatment they began with, without ever achieving their mental health recovery goals. In many cases, without even coming close!
There’s people who started seeing a therapist who has never helped them to address painful and traumatic experiences which plague their thoughts and affect their behaviors. Despite the lack of progress, they stay committed to that one practitioner. The idea of making a change is paralyzing.
Similarly, those who choose to take psychiatric medications will often take them for years despite the fact that the medication has done little to nothing to sooth the worst of their symptoms. They won’t ask their doctor to help them explore other options. They wont ask for an increased dosage. They just keep taking the same old pill day after day. Might as well be taking a Flintstones vitamin.
And what is the reason? It’s… well, it’s complicated. It varies from person to person. But across the spectrum of folks who fall into this bucket there are two reasons that show up over and over again. I’ll be honest. They’re very understandable.
- I might hurt my therapist’s feelings by leaving them to find a better fit
Therapists are people. I would be hesitant to try and assure you that leaving one you’ve worked with for years wouldn’t leave them feeling at least a little sad, rejected, or hurt. They might miss seeing you on a consistent basis. Like I said, they’re people.
But they’re also professionals, and any therapist worth their weight in salt is going to make your care and recovery their primary concern. It also just happens that they’re experts in the tools that help them navigate their own difficult emotions.
I actually reached out to a therapist friend, Nando Schlect (https://www.nandotherapy.net/) and posed this question to him: “Do you have any thoughts, as someone in the field, as to what you might say to a client to assuage their fears about making a change if needed?“
I love his reply:
“I do! The therapeutic relationship between a client and therapist is one of the most important aspects to therapy. A therapist can be highly skilled in different areas of modalities like EMDR, IFS, ect., but if there is no relationship then the techniques are useless and time is wasted that could be used with a therapist that is a better fit.
It is understandable as to why it’s difficult to have that conversation. This can be many different reasons such as it being difficult to vocalize your needs, to be viewed in a negative perspective, or hurting the therapist’s feelings. Any good therapist understands and wants what is best for their client, even if it means ending treatment to find another therapist.
I view a therapist similar to trying a medication. Some medication works and takes a few weeks before results are evident. If it doesn’t work, than the person talks to the psychiatrist to try a different medication until relief is noticeable.” - I don’t want to change meds because I’m worried something bad will happen.
It’s smart to approach medication as the important thing it is. Taking it seriously is a seriously safe approach. That said, continuing to take a medication that isn’t helping because you’re anxious about what will happen if you’re not taking it is a hurdle that you’ll have to overcome if you want to achieve a great degree of recovery.
When it comes to medication for psychiatric disorders, a doctor is only able to help when we’re entirely honest with them about the way we’re feeling on a prescribed med. Unlike other diseases and injuries that are visible and for which healing can be quantified psychiatric disorders are almost always entirely judged and treated according to what we say.
If your med isn’t working, say it. Your doctor would want to know! And if you’re worried about what’ll happen if you stop taking it, let them know that too. They can calm some of your fears and guide you through the process of weaning off a med safely and exploring different options.
I’ll leave you with this. Recovery is often not easy, but whatever challenges you face along the way are absolutely worth it. We only get one chance at this beautiful life God’s given to us and we don’t need to spend one more minute of it living with poor mental health. Begin the journey towards recovery today, and when something isn’t working, make a change. You’re worth advocating for.
